Undoubtably the more friendships we have and our ability to interact with others on a consistent basis improves our mental health and prolongs our lives I truly believe. Without consistent interactions with others we slowly deteriorate on many different levels. May the year to come bring you many new friendships and interactions with a variety of people around the world.
Loosely related, I'd heard people spend less time with others as they become wealthier. From googling, it looks like wealthier people seem to spend less time with family+neighbors but more time with friends: https://www.vox.com/2016/5/5/11578994/income-friends-family. I guess this could be good or bad depending on the specifics and we don't know which way the causal arrow runs
Wealth is an important factor to bring into the conversation. As the article you linked points out, a lot of functions that used to be accomplished by neighbors or family is now accomplished via transaction. This extends into how we spend our time: instead of talking to close friends about our problems, we go to therapy. Instead of taking care of our elder relatives in old age, we send them to retirement homes. The commodification of relationships.
Is this good, bad, or just different? Probably worth a conversation and perhaps another post…
For me, friendship isn’t *entirely* a function of time. I rarely feel lonely alone, but I’m at my loneliest when I spend a good amount of time with people who seem to have little interest in getting to know my “individuality,” as the author of the essay puts it.
That’s what is so great about the epic, high-density days: they give us the space and beauty and remove the distractions to engage with each other’s individuality. Much like you, I prefer my high density days in the mountains or desert (or on a bike), but I try to accommodate my friends. And so sometimes it’s a music festival or an art project or even a Sunday home repair project.
I appreciate the reflections — they arrived at the perfect moment.
Hey David, thanks for linking the essay. What a read. My favorite line: "We are, to some extent, always opaque to ourselves." One of the best services a friend can provide is to help provide us with self-knowledge.
I totally agree it's not all a function of time. In an email exchange with another reader, I joked that there's a formula that's something like:
friendship = natural connection * (quality + setting) ^ time
Whatever the actual specifics, time is but one of a few key factors to the full function.
“We need between 40 and 60 hours together for an acquaintance to become a casual friend, according to a study by Jeffrey Hall, professor of communication studies at the University of Kansas, who surveyed adults who moved to a new location as well as college freshmen in their first two months of school.
In order to move from casual friends to close friends, you need to spend an additional 140 to 160 hours together for a total of about 200 hours, the study found.”
I passed this along to a few friends I want to have high density days with this year!
Undoubtably the more friendships we have and our ability to interact with others on a consistent basis improves our mental health and prolongs our lives I truly believe. Without consistent interactions with others we slowly deteriorate on many different levels. May the year to come bring you many new friendships and interactions with a variety of people around the world.
Good post and +1 to weekend trips
Loosely related, I'd heard people spend less time with others as they become wealthier. From googling, it looks like wealthier people seem to spend less time with family+neighbors but more time with friends: https://www.vox.com/2016/5/5/11578994/income-friends-family. I guess this could be good or bad depending on the specifics and we don't know which way the causal arrow runs
Wealth is an important factor to bring into the conversation. As the article you linked points out, a lot of functions that used to be accomplished by neighbors or family is now accomplished via transaction. This extends into how we spend our time: instead of talking to close friends about our problems, we go to therapy. Instead of taking care of our elder relatives in old age, we send them to retirement homes. The commodification of relationships.
Is this good, bad, or just different? Probably worth a conversation and perhaps another post…
"The commodification of relationships" is such a sad phrase . . . because it's so relatable.
Way to distill a social shift in just four words.
This is a great complement to an essay I stumbled upon recently that has stayed with me ever since: “Loved, yet lonely” (https://aeon.co/essays/how-is-it-possible-to-be-loved-and-yet-to-feel-deeply-lonely)
For me, friendship isn’t *entirely* a function of time. I rarely feel lonely alone, but I’m at my loneliest when I spend a good amount of time with people who seem to have little interest in getting to know my “individuality,” as the author of the essay puts it.
That’s what is so great about the epic, high-density days: they give us the space and beauty and remove the distractions to engage with each other’s individuality. Much like you, I prefer my high density days in the mountains or desert (or on a bike), but I try to accommodate my friends. And so sometimes it’s a music festival or an art project or even a Sunday home repair project.
I appreciate the reflections — they arrived at the perfect moment.
Hey David, thanks for linking the essay. What a read. My favorite line: "We are, to some extent, always opaque to ourselves." One of the best services a friend can provide is to help provide us with self-knowledge.
I totally agree it's not all a function of time. In an email exchange with another reader, I joked that there's a formula that's something like:
friendship = natural connection * (quality + setting) ^ time
Whatever the actual specifics, time is but one of a few key factors to the full function.
From a WSJ story:
“We need between 40 and 60 hours together for an acquaintance to become a casual friend, according to a study by Jeffrey Hall, professor of communication studies at the University of Kansas, who surveyed adults who moved to a new location as well as college freshmen in their first two months of school.
In order to move from casual friends to close friends, you need to spend an additional 140 to 160 hours together for a total of about 200 hours, the study found.”
https://www.wsj.com/health/wellness/how-much-time-close-friend-a63350c3